Lost Lover
by seraphina kamar
Summary: This is a one shot set during the Black Moon arc. I t is about when Mamoru has broken up with Usagi and she tells him to stop helping her in battle because it hurts too much. When something horrible happens, he has to live with the guilt.


Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Sailor Moon.

A/N: This is my sad version of what happened when Mamoru broke up with Usagi.

I watched as Sailor Moon stood there staring at the rose that had just flew in front of her face before she turned around and I saw her look at me with hope in her eyes. It was killing me. I had broken up with her a month ago, and every time I came to her rescue she would get so hopeful and I would just have to crush her hopes again. She looked up at me and exclaimed with excitement, "Tuxedo Kamen! You came to save me again!" I looked at her and replied coldly, "Of course I did Sailor Moon, it's my job, nothing more." Sailor Moon looked like she was about to cry, but she carried on with her duty and shouted, "Moon Healing Escalation!" The energy flowed at the creature the Black Moon had sent after them and Tuxedo Kamen watched as it was obliterated.

I was about to leave before she could run up to me and beg me to take her back, but she just sat there staring at the floor. I ran to her scared that something horrible had happened to her. When I got over there I touched her shoulder to see what was wrong and she turned on me, she screamed, "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I CAN'T SEE YOU EVERYTIME I'M IN BATTLE IT KILLS ME! I JUST WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T NEED YOU TO SAVE ME ANYMORE! I HAVE MY FRIENDS AND THEY CAN HELPME, SO JUST LEAVE!" I looked at her astonished. I couldn't believe she was yelling at me like this. I nodded my head and acknowledged her by saying, "Don't worry Sailor Moon. If you truly wish me to leave you alone, I won't help you ever again." With that I walked off with the sound of her sobs echoing in the background.

I lay in my bed the next night listening to the silence outside, trying to sleep but failing. I couldn't get how hurt she had looked out of my head. I kept feeling the pull in my mind that I would get whenever she needed my help. I ignored it, granting her the one wish I could grant her these days: solace. I sat up and looked at the photo with tears in my eyes.

"Usako," I whispered. It hurt me to know that she was in trouble and I was sitting her doing nothing about it, but there was nothing I could do. Suddenly, there was a harsh severance to the connection that I always felt emanating from my princess. I shot out of the bed and ran out the door. I didn't like the way this felt. I transformed and ran in the direction that I had felt her tugging me before the connection had died.

I got there and the Sailor Senshi were standing in a circle hiding something from my view. I walked towards with dread coursing through my body and I froze. I knew deep down what I would find if I kept walking that way. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I stood there and held my breath waiting for someone to notice me. Suddenly Sailor Jupiter turned and saw me. Her tear stained face suddenly turned to one bent on murder and she ran at me with a ferocious cry. I didn't stop her when she beat me to the ground, for in the second she moved I saw it. I saw my Usako's grumbled body lying dead on the ground and I screamed. The rest of the Sailor Senshi ran towards Sailor Jupiter and stopped her but I begged them, "Please! Let her kill me!" They looked at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen and shook their heads and Ami said, "Tuxedo Kamen that's not what she would have wanted. She would want you to live." I stood up and walked over to the angel they were talking about and fell down and took her into my arms and cried. The last time I had seen her I had told her she was nothing more than my work. I sat there and whispered over and over again, "I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh god Usako. Please don't leave me, I love you. Come back to me. Please Usako I love you." The scouts stood around me with Luna and Artemis, all of them crying at the loss of their princess, lover, and dear friend.

I was sprawled across the floor of my kitchen in my apartment drunk. It had been two months since Usagi had been buried, and two months since I had given up on trying to live. My only reason for existence was gone, and so was I. All I did anymore was pray for death. In the beginning the girls had come by to see how I was doing, but they had stopped coming by. There was nothing they could do for me. I lay there staring at the ceiling contemplating whether or not I should end it all. I knew that it would be the cowardly way out. I knew that what the girls had said was true, that she wouldn't want me to end it this way. I didn't want it to continue any way at all without her though.

I had been so stupid to listen to the voice in my dreams telling me to stay away from her. They had said she would die and so I listened and stayed away so she would live, ironically enough she died because I hadn't been there for her. I hated myself. I got up and stumbled drunkenly to the balcony. I stood there staring out at the city. I thought of my Usako and all the places we had been to. I stood there for what seemed like forever before I turned around to go back inside. That's when I heard her.

"Mamo-chan. Mamo-chan, where am I?"

I turned around and there was nothing. I shook my head and walked back inside. Once inside I went to my bed and lay down to sleep.

My dreams that night were wrought with pain. I woke up in the morning screaming out my lost love's name. I looked around the room expecting her to be there telling me that everything was ok, that it had all been a bad dream. There was nothing but blackness to stare out to. I decided to get up and take a shower. I stood in the shower imagining that my Usako was there with me and that I was holding onto her and making love to her. It hurt to think that I would never hold her like that again. I got out of the shower before the memories of her and I in there took me over.

I got out and dressed and then went to the living room and sat in a chair staring at the door. I knew I should go out. I should go out and see someone. I got up and walked over to the door and put my hand on the knob and started to turn it, but as I did this I scream pierced the air. "MAMO-CHAN! WHERE AM I MAMO-CHAN?! SAVE ME!" My hand fell from the knob and I collapsed against the door. Every time I tried to move past this, I heard that voice yelling at me to save her. My Usako yelling at me to save her, and I couldn't. The all too familiar screams of agony of the incorporeal voice as it died. I walked to the balcony again and stared at it as I heard the voice screaming shrieks of death.

I walked out onto the balcony and the bright light of the morning sun blinded me. I winced, and through squinted eyes I saw her. She was floating there, an angel. I walked towards her reaching my hand out to catch her, that's when I heard the scream, "Mamoru don't do it!" I was being pulled back over the railing by Motoki. I yelled at him, "What are you doing?! I was going to be with her again!" He looked at me and whispered, "Mamoru she's gone. You have to let her go and move on, she's gone." I collapsed into his arms and cried listening to the voice of my lost lover screaming for help.

Thank you for reading please Review ^_^


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